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Reviews of Strip Bars in the Boston Area
My opinion....and those of some others.:)
Alex's (in Stoughton MA) ... 10's (in Salisbury Beach MA) ... The Foxy Lady (in Providence RI)
... The Golden Banana (in West Peabody MA)

  It might help to know the criteria by which I'm judging things... I like variety in a big way. I prefer getting to see a range of ages, skin tones and body types, with and without high heels, tattoos and peircings (I wish I could find any without these things!). I'm rather turned off by augmentations and have a general preferance for smaller breasts, but still variety rules. I like to see women actually dance, or at least try to move interestingly, and that is definetly helped by things like props, poles and partners, as well as decent variety of music. (I also like the music to not be so loud and bassy that it's distorted, makes my ears hurt and gives me a stomach ache.) So, if I seem a little harsh sometimes in my reviews, you know it's because I'm searching for that perfect strip club, the classy club of my dreams, where you can order a Guinness or wine, kick back and watch contemperary dance artists getting down to the buff to the accompanyment of a jazz ensemble. Or something like that... :)

NEW! A visitor to my site has alerted me to the existance of a club which actually does have a live jazz band! I have not been to this club and can't verify anything about it, but here's the e-mail I received.

Joe writes concerning the Foxy Lady in Brockton, MA:

I recently saw your page on the internet and enjoyed reading the section on strip club reviews. You mentioned that you might enjoy a classy strip club containing a jazz ensemble. Believe it or not, there is now one that has that which I just went to this past weekend. It is The Foxy Lady club located in Brockton, MA. The club has different levels (similar to how the Foxy Lady in Providence does), and on Thursdays, Fridays, and Saturdays their VIP level actually contains a live jazz band instead of a DJ. Right next to the band is a small stage with one dancer who dances and strips to the jazz band's music. It's very classy, and I think you would enjoy it a lot based on what you said.

The phone number for the club is (508) 894-4040. Although it sounds like you might live far from there, I think you will find it well worth the drive.

I'm psyched for a road trip to check this out! ;)

 

- Alex's -

Directions from Boston:
Take 93 (which becomes 128) South to Exit 2A (Stoughton), drive about 4.5 miles and it will be on your left side. (Accross the street from an Italian Restaurant called La Storia)

In brief (longer version follows): Good points of Alex's - varied and unmodified dancers, the music was 'good' (not so heavy on the bass that you get sick or so loud you can't talk), and women patrons seem perfectly welcome. Bad points are the lousy set up of the room with only one stage, and being told where to sit. Things that made my evening a lot of fun were random events - the table partners we had at the end of the night, and the headliner, Nina Hartley.

longer version:
Your night can easily go either way, because they have a weird seating arrangement - when things are crowded they'll seat people at tables with other people you don't know. The guys who were at the table when we came in were young, boring, very drunk. After they left, though, 3 older guys came in who were also very drunk, but had _much_ more personality. Literally "good old boys," not in a derogatory sense. They were a lot of fun. :) And we even ended up with one of the dancers sitting with us for a while - apprently the whole table felt 'safe.'

The place is long and narrow, having only one stage which is on the long side of the room. In the long ends of the room you're so far from the stage you really can't see much. In those areas they have small table-like setups with brass poles which act like ministages. When not on stage the girls are always hustling table dances, which is something we usually don't buy, but where the viewing arrangement was so bad we bought several. So I guess that's good for them. :)

Female patrons are made welcome - no eyelash was batted, and there is a lady's room right next to the mens as if it's not an unusual occurance. I saw at least 3 other women there besides myself, and I didn't have any kind of view of the crowd, so there were most likely more female patrons who I couldn't see.

The women who dance are varied in build and mostly unmodified, both positive points in our book.

Their headliner of the evening was Nina Hartly, a porn star who's in her 30's or 40's. In my opinion, she looks fantastic, her age is irrelevant. She was an excellent performer, with lots of energy. (Of course she had the advantage of not having to go all evening, she could throw everything into a short set.) And after dancing she took questions from the crowd, which was neat. Although I don't think it came up during the q & a session, rumor has it that she's also a nurse in the public health field, and has been in a triad relationship with a man and a woman for many years, now.

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- 10's -

Salisbury Beach, the town with the lovely view of the Seabrook Nuclear Power Plant accross the salt-marshes.

We actually went there a while back, and, to be honest, I was not at all inspired to write about it. It bored me. However, another friend of mine liked it better than I did, not everyone has the same things which they're looking for, so I'll try to just describe the place as objectively as possible.

The layout has plenty of space, every party has their own table, and the waitstaff can circulate efficiently. There are 4 small stages set around the room, and a larger stage at the far end of the room from the front door and the bar. On the smaller stages the women are not allowed to get completely nude, only on the main stage. The music had some variety and was not too loud at first, though later in the night it got louder and more difficult to talk.

None of the stages has any variation of level or any rails, poles or bars for the dancers to play with, and they are always dancing alone. The space in which they're moving is very flat. It's difficult to create interesting movement when you've got nothing to move with or around, be it a pole or another woman. In addition, many of the women have obviously had breast augmentation and there wasn't a whole lot of variety of appearances to interest the eye.

It also bears mentioning that you can buy shots which are sold by particular waitresses who feed them to you and give you a short topless dance. This was not particularly expensive, however... look at the waitress carefully and decide whether you really want this or not.

In my estimation, I give 10's about a 4. On the good side, comfortable enough atmosphere, decent waitstaff. On the down side, they need to hire more varied dancers, and need to give them better space to move in. The rest was neither here nor there, to me.

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- The Foxy Lady in Providence, RI -

Providence, RI (directions to the club may be found on their website at http://www.thefoxylady.net/.)

Their website states that women are welcome any night, but they must be escorted by a man (and everyone must have identification proving they are over 21).

Of note: they have different entrance costs depending on which rooms you want to go to. ($10 and $20 the night we were there) It's cheaper to go to the section where they don't take off quite all their clothes, which is a large, low-ceilinged room with a bar on one side and several small stages. Downstairs in what they call the "all-nude" room seemed worth the price, though.

The girls were attractive and of fair variety - not all 'Barbie clones' - individuals. Which is what I enjoy seeing. :) An average to slightly below average number of breast augmentations, and most that we noticed were good jobs. It seemed to me that most of them were pretty good dancers, as well.

We had plenty of seating space in the area we were in, downstairs in the all nude 'room' (which makes good use of space with a long curved bar in the upper area, and then a cozy recessed with couches). The only time there was a crowd was when the headliner of the night circulated around to our stage.

The music wasn't too loud, we were able to talk a bit, though as is usual it did get louder later in the night. The wait staff were efficient about bringing us drinks quickly. The food was bar food, but on the good side of bar food.

All in all, I though it was pretty good.

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- The Golden Banana -

Everyone thinks it's in Saugus.

This place was so cold! Dress warm, take a sweater. It must have been about 65 degrees in there, not comfortable for sitting around with only greasy bar food available and iced drinks. And then these girls have to get nude - they must be tougher than drum majorettes.

It seemed as clean and safe as any such place I've been to.

The music sucked, mostly. The DJ was less audible (possibly even less offensive, but who can tell) than most, and played 2 or 3 Led Zepplin and Van Halen, a couple of salsa (maybe? I'm a little fuzzy on that genre) songs, but long runs of stuff which just seemed very angry.

There were less than a dozen dancers, all white. Still, a fair representation of normal body types among them, decent looking, most of them seeming to have natural breasts. One was a very good dancer. Even so, the main goal of the dancing seemed to be to give as good a view of the genitals as possible. "All nude" in this case doesn't seem to mean that they eventually get down to nude - they seem to pretty much take it all off in the first song.

They go out of their way to be very obviously in compliance with the Mass laws against touching - there don't seem to be any private dances available, (or at least I didn't hear DJ Mushmouth mention such a thing, and the girls weren't hustling) and there's a rail between the seats and the main stage, and even the birdcages (floor level) have another rail around them. Dollar bills are set on this, or hung on the cage bars or the stage rail. No giving dollar bills to the girls directly.

The service is about average to good, and they don't dress the waitstaff in special outfits.

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